Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize