Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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