I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
