i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mom said you looked used
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
