I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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