How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
