yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
