he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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