Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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