I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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