i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
