Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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