I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bring me that man meat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize