Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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