you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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