Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
