butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
