I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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