just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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