Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
