I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
