just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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