Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
