dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
