he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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