Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
