Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
