You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The ass gains better be worth it
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