my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
