I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
