That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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