i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
