I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The beer is more important than you right now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
