Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
