So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
