no, he came in my armpit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
