"it" just moved
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
