It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize