You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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