Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
