Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can I color on your dick again?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize