I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
