you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
