We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
