Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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