There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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