I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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