That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
