I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
