Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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