the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
