I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
