shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize