Please, let me fuck your mom
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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