I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Text me some of your sweat
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