at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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