so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
