then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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