I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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