You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
