I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
