how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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