I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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