Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
