Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Your dad touched me again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
a search helicopter?!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
