you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
