dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
whose parrot is this?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
