I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
