he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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