I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
